botched it up.

This morning I woke up and made breakfast. Technically it was because Jace, Jeff's younger brother, was in town and he was in the kitchen too. But still, I haven't even been unemployed for 24 hours and I found myself tripping into domesticity.

last day of work celebration.

Today was my last day of work. I am officially unemployed. So I celebrated:

just trying to stay sane.

So I have been in denial.

Tonight after work, I decided I had better start packing and cleaning because I am moving in a little over 48 hours. And I have not packed one thing. Jeff moved the stuff we never got around to unpacking to storage already, but we still need to move our bedroom set-- that is still full of my clothes.

Here's the thing- one of our friends who is going to be renting from us had to move in tonight because the power got shut off at his old apartment. Understandable. But it doesn't change the fact that his stuff is now in my room in my house. In the amount of time it took to bring up a bed and a dresser I went from occupant to guest. So weird.

As I was cleaning the bathroom I started to feel angry. But I know that I am not really angry- I am just sad. I'm sad because I'm leaving our first home before I had a chance to really make it mine. In this step forward for Jeff I feel like I am taking 10 giant steps back for me. Which is okay I guess-- that's what marriage is about- I just wish I had one or two more nights for it to feel like our house.

The stupid thing is that I have lived here 5 months and haven't made 1 friend outside of work. So it's not like I have all sorts of friendship ties- and honestly I don't really like my job most days. But part of me feels like we are losing ground on the fertility doctor side of things because when we move we will need to find a new one and then wait to get in to see him or her. And this was the first place that for once it was just jeff and me. I have so many good memories from the months we lived here-- mostly just fun dinner conversations because our idea of a good time is going out to eat and stuffing ourselves such that we almost fall into a coma by the time we're home. I'm so glad he is flying in tomorrow because I don't think that I could handle finishing up the packing and then drive away by myself.

I really don't think that I am going to do much more tonight. Maybe pack up some of my clothes. The rest can wait until Jeff is here so that I don't lose my mind. Our last doctor appointment with Dr. Z is on Monday at 8:30 am. Then I am going to drop Jeff off at the airport and start the drive. I am going to stay with my parents for a couple of days and enjoy hanging out with them without having to rush off to work. I have a feeling it will be like when I would come home from college on break-- I would fall asleep for like a week and only wake up long enough to eat something and then I would be asleep again.

This whole thing just sucks. I know I sound like a whiney baby but truth is truth-- it just sucks.

disturbing.

I am starting to feel old. I remember adults when I was growing up making references to their generation compared to my generation (x or y or something like that, I think). At the time I didn't understand. But everyday that passes I am starting to understand it a little better.

Or maybe it's just that I work at a store where only the spoiled kids get to shop on a regular basis.

Regardless, last night after we were closed, the porch was shut down, the music was off, and the overnight crew was already getting to work fixing the clothes, there still was one family tearing through the clearance shelves. There were probably 4-6 kids with the mom, I am unsure of how many kids because they were never all in the same spot at the same time so it was difficult to get an accurate count. Anyway, as each minute goes by the kids start getting louder-- raising their voice at their mom. The crazy thing was, it didn't even phase her. This was all happening while the store was relatively empty, and quiet-- so everything they said reverberated off of the wood and tile floors and traveled throughout the whole store. For me, it feels like I am yelling in a library when the store is quiet and I talk. Again, didn't phase them. So the Mom, while still shopping, ignoring the 3 angry teenagers standing behind the cashwrap, waiting for them to leave so that they, too, can leave, asks where her pretzels sticks are. So this little girl-- I'm guessing anywhere between 6-9 years old that is less than 4 feet tall, and has red hair pulled back in a messy bun, shoves the package at her. (is redder a word?). To keep myself from saying something rude to the girl and/or the mom, I then retreat back behind the cashwrap to join the line of sour faced teenagers leaning against the counter. Finally, the familys head for the door, in a single file line. Who knows what happened to the 10 orange shirts she had pulled from the shelves? As they pass us the little red head snaps (loudly) at her mom, "I only ate THREE, your FATASS ate the rest."

And the whole family just kept on walking out the door- the mom didn't even flinch.

All 4 of our jaws dropped simultaneously as we watched them file out the door. I am hoping and praying that what I witnessed was a parenting thing, not a generation gap thing. However, I am proud of the kids at work because everyone of them was shocked and appalled. That did give me hope because most days I worry about the inability to work and from what I can tell, function, in the "outside world." It brought warmth to my heart to hear them all start going-off about how they would never talk to their parents like that, and if that was their kid they would wash their mouth out with soap, and their outrage continued even as I walked them to the front of the store and they left for the night.

I don't have kids-- and I know that I don't know a thing about raising them. But if they ever do go crazy for 2 seconds and swear at me-- they probably will never, ever, do it again.

remind me to knock on wood next time.

So, a few days ago I posted about actually having a good day at work. No annoying customers, etc. bad idea. I think today was the day that all those customers decided to shop and the kids "working" today "worked" less than usual. So here goes:

Whenever a customer has a return, the kid ringing them up has to have a manager swipe our card or enter our id # and password before they are able to do the return/exchange. Today this teenage girl and her mom or grandma or aunt or something along those lines brought back a zip up sweatshirt. The tags were no longer on it, it had been washed, and they were returning it because the fleece left lint on "her friends" shirt when she took it off. What the?! The awesome part was that I only had 1 kid for registers and there somehow was a line of 5 people when the rest of the store was practically empty. So they were all staring, doing that shifting of the weight while heavily sighing and looking around for a clock thing. Here's the kicker: I soon realize that the Grandma/mom/aunt does not speak a word of English. She doesn't understand it either. So then I get to repeat myself all over again to the teenage girl so that she can translate it. After she does, the woman starts getting all crazy upset pointing to the sweater and talking all fast and for about 2 seconds I was grateful that she was unable to direct the wrath directly at me, until I saw the look on the poor girl's face because it was being directed at her even though she was just translating. I tried to show them the back of the receipt that has the return policy printed on it but still- they wouldn't leave. The same line of discussion was replayed 10 times. And for once I am not exaggerating for comedic effect. I keep telling her that I can't take it back. She then tells the older woman, who then gestures and talks fast and narrows her brow, the girl then asks me if they can exchange it. I tried handing it back to them. They won't take it. It's really awkward when a customer hands me something to return, I realize I can't take it back, and then I try to hand it back to them and they won't take it. It's like playing a game of 1-2-3 "not it!" with adults and in this case, washed merchandise.

Note to self: If I ever really really want to return something I should just put it on the counter at the cashwrap, tell the associate working that I want to return it, and then refuse to pick it back up again.

Just in case you're wondering, there is still the line of customers waiting.

So I finally log in with my ID on a different computer and have my register kid use it (she is so relieved to be dismissed from the awkwardness that she uses the tagline: "Do you need any more Jake (cologne) or Malaia (perfume) today?"with even more enthusiasm than usual), while I continue to deal with the sweatshirt. I honestly could not tell what was wrong with the sweatshirt, and they had the reciept and tag, it just wasn't attached. So I am a sucker and finally agreed to let them exchange it.

Once again, I am an idiot in the wide wide world of retail management. They walk away from the cashwrap, triumphant, and I barely have time to roll my eyes, heave a big sigh, and answer the ringing phone before I turn around and THEY'RE BACK, BEHIND THE CASHWRAP. And talking at me. And having zero regard for personal space. I can't hear what she is saying or what the person on the phone is saying because it is all being outdone by the last 30 seconds of "California" by Red Hot Chili Peppers blasting over the sound system. Finally, I figure out that they're wanting a personal tour of the store so that I can be their personal shopper on their quest to find a fleece sweatshirt that doesn't have lint and/or ball up. Or at least I think that is what they thought was wrong with the one I am not supposed to be returning for them, but am. So I walk over to the girl's side of the store, flail my arms wildly in every direction because there just happen to be about 5 different sweatshirts in the room in every direction and surely they'll be able to find one that pleases them enough to then get the hell out of the store.

For the best results in understanding my day at work: reread experience. Rinse. Repeat.

things that make me happy.

Tonight at work I went to Barnes and Noble on my break, it is in the mall also. There is a play area for little kids with benches wrapping all the way around it for parents to sit and watch their kids while keeping them barricaded like little lambs. It just has things for them to crawl through, slide on, run on, balance on, etc. Nothing too crazy but very entertaining to watch as toddlers focus 110% on their little path and crash into each other, etc. Anyway, as I passed it on the way into the bookstore there were a lot of kids running around in it-- all either barefoot or with just socks on. I left the bookstore right at 9 and by this time, when the mall closes, there was only one family left. It was a Mom, what looked like a Grandma, a Dad, and two sons- one a toddler and the other probably about 5 or 6. Who knows, he could have been 8- I'm pretty terrible at guessing ages, not important. As I was walking by I saw the dad, in his socks, running around on the paths and crawling through giant apples. This wasn't a little man I might mention-- probably about Jeff's size. The only thing distracting him from playing was his toddler son who kept escaping the play area trying to get to the elevator. In the 30 seconds it took me to walk past them I saw him slide on his belly through a tube, barrel roll down a slope, chase after his son, hopscotch, crawl through the apple, chase after his son again, and then defeating my urge to just stop and watch- I walked back to work. While I was walking I could hear his wife laughing out loud as she watched- obviously thinking that her husband was the funniest person on the planet. I realized that I had this silly grin on my face as I was walking away. It totally made my night.
Moral of the story: I think Dads, or parents in general, who are willing to let their kids be the center of their universe such that they are willing to be silly and play with them at home, let alone in public, are awesome and amazing, and knowing that it's possible makes me happy.

It's official. I haven't accomplished anything this morning. BUT-- I have had fun playing with Photoshop! I am so excited to visit the girls in a month! These pictures crack me up because they totally show their personalities. They are all so different- Katelyn is her dad's mini-me but she has kindest heart like her mom. Annie should have been mine. If Jeff and I had gotten our acts together when he got home off of his mission I know that she would have come to us instead! Samantha is a clown from what I hear about her. I haven't gotten to spend too much time with her because Ang moved just a couple of months after she was born. Yesterday when I was on the phone with my sister I kept hearing this loud noise in the background-- Angie explained that it was Samantha making a cow noise because of a picture in her book. It definitely wasn't "MOOO" it was more like "GGNNNAAAWWW." So funny.