Twilight Series Confession

About a month ago I was at Costco and saw the book Twilight on CD. At that point I felt like my brain was going to ooze out of my head because I'd been watching so much TV. I figured it would last me awhile, and that I would just listen to it while nursing Elea.

It didn't quite work out that way.

I put the first CD in on my way back to Cedar City. Then I came inside and put it in the CD player at home and continued to listen to it every possible moment that Jeff was sleeping or not home. Needless to say, it was a lot better than I expected and definitely more suspenseful than The Awakening by Kate Chopin, which is what I had been reading.

I ended up buying the second book, New Moon, 2 days later and finished it 2 days later. Then I bought the next 2, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn and finished both of them within 4 days. It was a fantastic discovery to realize that I could hold Elea and/or nurse Elea while reading. Duh. Sometimes I am kind of slow grasping the obvious.

But then I finished the books and wasn't too thrilled with the ending. Sort of a let down. But besides that I really liked them. A lot more than I expected too. And I really wouldn't mind being Stephenie Meyer's version of a vampire.

While I was visiting Angie in Omaha we looked up the Twilight movie that is coming out November 21st. I got all goofy excited and I am not one of those people who goes to a movie the day it comes out. But this one-- definitely gonna be there and I just hope it doesn't break my heart by not being fantastic.

The Color Purple

I just read the Color Purple by Alice Walker this week.

I'm sorry Oprah, but I didn't really get it.

"Babywise" Review

The book(s) "On becoming Baby Wise 1 & 2" were recommended to me by a couple of people. So I read them.

At first, the first book seemed pretty "logical." Some of the advice/methods seemed a little harsh to me-- you aren't supposed to rock your baby to sleep if you are home. Ever. It talks a lot about feeding and a method they call PDF- parent-directed feeding. But this isn't based on a clock, and it isn't based on the baby crying either. . . so that left me thinking-- how in the world is the parent supposed to know when to feed their baby if not based on the baby's signals and not based on how long it's been since the baby last ate?? I'm already nervous as hell about taking care of a little baby, I am not going to even pretend to know when I should feed the baby without paying attention to her signals and/or the clock.

Obviously, I'm not a mom yet, but some of the information/ideas was useful. For example, the book suggested multiple times that every time you feed the baby, you feed he/she until they are full and you do what you can to keep them awake while eating until they are full-- so that they don't fall into a pattern of needing to eat to fall asleep and/or wake up sooner than necessary to eat again because they are just snacking. So that was good to think about it. So the first book was a little extreme for me, but I wasn't having a huge negative reaction to it.

Then I read book two. It is supposed to be for toddlers 5 to 15 months old. Pretty much it allows very little room for kids to be kids. Okay, actually, it leaves no room for kids to be kids. As I was reading it, I kept thinking that it stipulated parenting actions and reactions completely opposite to how my mom raised me. And I am pretty cool and turned out sane enough to function in the world. And her way seems like a lot more fun too. According to the book, kids should never be allowed to touch their food plate with their hands, blow bubbles in their milk, or any other such "nonsense" during meal time. And they should never be allowed to use their hands to eat anything other than specified "finger foods." This does not mesh well with a family whose baby albums are filled with pictures of bowls being worn as hats with mac & cheese as the accessory. Also, if they do touch their food when they aren't supposed too, and you tell them not too, the second time they touch their food you are supposed to remove them from the high chair and put them in their crib. Sorry, but at this point, I am not going to turn the slats of my child's crib into jail bars. (although, I am open to the idea that I may become more than ready to turn whatever I can into a jail cell if my toddler is out of control at some point).

A couple of tips that were good: it said to avoid getting in a power struggle with your toddler. I think the way it phrased it was "discipline graciously," such that you allow your child to back down gracefully. Also, it suggested not letting your child play with things at your house such as the TV remote because then when they go to someone else's house and are all of a sudden being told not play with the TV remote it just confuses them. This reminded me of the puppy training books that I've read that said never to give your dog human things to play with and chew if you don't want them to chew all of them. For example, you aren't supposed to let them play with an old shoe because when they have a chance they will chew on a new shoe, not knowing the difference between and old shoe and a new shoe. Makes sense. But again, easier said than done with a toddler.

All I know is that I am very grateful that my mom is coming to stay with us for the first month after the baby is born so that she can help me figure out what the crap I am doing. And I've decided I am not going to read any more books on baby-raising at this point. My mom raised us "real good" and my sister's kids are some of the most well-adjusted and hilarious kids I have ever met in my entire life so I'll just be calling them instead. And in the meantime I'll just be praying not to screw my kid(s) up too much.

yay!

I love it when I expect something to happen in a couple of days and it happens today instead. And for once I am not being sarcastic. One night last week I ordered a few books from Amazon.com. Then everyday since then, starting the next morning, I tracked the order to see when they would get here. It looked like they weren't going to get here until Thursday so I was thinking that maybe I would actually get some of the quilting I need to get done, done, even though I really was wishing the books would get here sooner. And they did! Tonight as I went to go up the stairs I saw the package waiting for me. Today has actually been a pretty terrific day (again, I actually mean it seriously) and this just made it even better. I will let you know about the books as I finish them because I know you are just waiting on the edge of your seat in anticipation.

you'd think I'd figure it out.

I guess technically I should consider myself lucky because the number of times I have thrown up so far are relatively few. But when it comes to throwing up, I am a wuss, so each instance is horrible and really quite tragic. With this in mind one would think that I would be smart enough to learn from my previous experience's and avoid the food(s) that have made me sick in the past. But no. Once again, I didn't learn and paid the price. 6 times in one night/morning. So gross. If I ever even hint at a desire to eat beans of any sort in any type of mexican food and/or soup- PLEASE STOP ME.

Last night was the first time that I really started to question whether I am ready to be a mom yet. After puking all over myself and the floor in the bathroom the thought that kept running through my head was, "I want my mommy." (Note to self: Growing up, I never remember calling my mom "mommy" it was always just "mom"-- the "mommy" is a sure sign of desperation on my part.) So then I started to wonder how in the hell I was going to take care of another tiny human being when it was about all I could do not to call my mommy on the other side of the country, in the middle of the night, to make me feel better.

Ang says that it is easier to be the one comforting and cleaning up than the one doing the throwing up. I sure hope so because I am pretty sure that the cleaning-up-of-puke ball is going to fall solely and squarely in my maternal lap.

The good news: I was able to call my mommy this morning at 7 (9 her time) to ask for suggestions. Jeff was a champ and went to the store to pick up some coca-cola before he headed to Brian Head to go skiing. And now that I have 24 ounces of soda and some saltines in me I am feeling a lot better. I am pretty sure that if a fetus is capable of backflips and cartwheels, mine is twirling like a pro because this is the only caffeine/soda that I have drank since I got pregnant. Which also made it possible for me to read the entire book Tricia suggested, HypnoBirthing: The Mongan Method that came from amazon.com the other day. Really cool book, I like it, but it deserves a post of its very own so that will come later.

book (re)view

Right now, and for the past month, I have been reading The Life of Elizabeth I by Alison Weir. I really like Alison Weir as a biographer and I really like Queen Elizabeth I too, so I figured I would love the book. Usually how fast I get through a book shows how much I like the book- that I am only only on page 107 after more than a month is not a good sign. But honestly, it reads really well. And it is interesting. I just can't seem to stay awake to read very many pages at a time. The author sort of skimmed over Elizabeth's life until right before she became Queen. I think they should have title the books something like The Life of Queen Elizabeth I because there really isn't much about her before she was Queen. But Weir is honest about Elizabeth and how she was and how she was perceived-- she doesn't make everything all bright and shiny and perfect the way some movies tend to, so I like that a lot about her biographies. I'll let you know what my final thoughts are about the book when I finish all 488 pages. At this rate it will be sometime in March!

another book review

Right now I am reading Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books by Azar Nafisi. I had a difficult time getting into the book at first. Probably because I am pretty egocentric with my reading and couldn't automatically relate to the author's story. Also, I was too attached to the description on the back of the book and was annoyed when the book strayed from that prescribed course. As I have mentioned before I love to read memoirs and this one is slowly floating to the top of my favorites list.

The author begins by describing the women who would come to her house on Thursdays in Iran (their weekends are Thursday and Friday- I didn't know that). I don't know the exact date but the women have to wear the chador, the long robes and scarves that cover them from head to toe in public, but they are able to take them off when they enter her house. They meet to read and discuss books that have since been banned in Islamic Iran- hence the title Reading Lolita in Tehran. As I read it I felt like she quickly swerved from recounting their meetings sometime in the past 10 years back to her graduate school experience in the U.S. and then her return to Iran around 1979. (This was the part that I became annoyed). However, as I have continued reading the book I have recognized the necessity in her telling of the violent transitions that took place during that time.

I don't feel competent to describe any of the events or situations she writes about in her book- instead I will just recommend it to anyone who wants a book to read. The memoir reads more like a novel because of the author's ability to describe feelings and senses instead of just colors or shapes. If that makes any sense. She was/is a Literature professor and so she uses novels as her medium for discussion in real life and her memories. So far the only novel I have read that she discusses is The Great Gatsby, but for the first time I find myself wanting to read the other classics she mentions, such as Jane Eyre or Daisy Miller (which I had never heard of). Maybe it is the English major laying dormant in me that is starting to wake up as I have been reading this book but it has been sticking with me the past couple of weeks as I go throughout the day.

I can't imagine living in a war-torn environment with execution standing as a logical punishment for a variety of offenses. It is not possible to count the number of hours I have retreated deeply into one book or another for escape and relative to most I have had very little to retreat from. If I have spent hours disappearing into the pages of a novels- I can't even imagine how real a novel could become if the real world around me was making as little sense as those women's world did in Iran.

The author describes feeling irrelevant as the laws around her changed. Maybe I am throwing myself a gigantic pity party but I empathized with her in a small way as I adjust on a daily basis to being married- to being the wife. Just by saying that I feel pathetic and small- I have no right to compare myself being married to a loving, kind husband, to a woman living in Iran during the "revolution" and all that it entailed. But nonetheless, feeling like it really does not matter one day from the next what you do, or deep down want to do, or hope to do, feeling irrelevant, is something I understand on a basic level.

Anyway, even though I haven't finished the book yet, I recommend Reading Lolita in Tehran to anyone wanting a good book to read. I will let you know how the last 140 pages go.

Review: The Traveler

I finished the novel The Traveler by John Twelve Hawks last night. I had a difficult time getting into the book at the beginning. Well, to be honest, I had a difficult time getting into the book in the middle too. The characters are all loners who keep everyone at a distance, including each other, even when they are working together. So for me, it is hard to be drawn in and sympathetic to characters who have no sympathy for anyone. The book takes place in present day or maybe a little bit in the future. The author brings up ways that "big brother" or in this case "The Vast Machine" tracks "citizens" with them either oblivious or apathetic to the constant surveillance. For example, GPS systems like OnStar are really used to keep track of the owners, people are constantly watched with cameras on the streets (I guess this is partly true in London, Chicago, and if you're speeding in Arizona!), and the author even asserts that the floors in the casinos in Vegas slope down towards the casino so that it draws people from the hotel to the casino. I don't know how much is true and how much is exaggerated but my guess is that if it was all true the real "Vast Machine" wouldn't let a novel reveal all its secrets!
I'm having a difficult time describing the basic plot- I still don't understand it completely. Basically, there are a rare few who can leave earth, at least their "light" can, and the people who are trying to gain control of the "citizens" don't like that the "travelers" can escape to other realms. There are "Harlequins"* who's job is to protect the "travelers" and then finally there are the "Brethren" who are the top dogs trying to gain control of the world through information monitoring, cameras, tracking, etc.

Anyway, I must not have hated it or else I wouldn't be trying to make it make sense. It is the first in a series, but I'm not going to run out and buy the next book.

*I mentioned the Harlequins when I started the book because I kept getting images of large spotted great danes. Luckily, I was able to get past that about halfway into the book.

gone.

I left Arizona this morning- it still seems surreal. It's very strange to move but still have a lot of our stuff in the house. The drive went well. I listened to a book on tape- a biography about Marie Antoinette. I can't remember who the author is but it is good so far. I think I would probably be frustrated if I was reading it because of all of the French names and pronunciations. I will post later when I have the case with me and have gotten a little farther through it.

I drove over the Hoover Dam- the bridge they are building still amazes me. The first time I saw it was in the middle of the night-- it seemed gigantic. It really is huge, but not as monstrous in the daylight as at night.

The girl who played 'Madison' on Everwood is now on Chuck. See, I told you Everwood was a good show. How could it not be a good show when all the actors who were in it are popping up on primetime sitcoms?

Latest Adventure to Barnes & Noble

One of my favorite things in the whole world is to go to Barnes & Noble and see what books they have for "Buy 2, Get the 3rd FREE." I told Jeff that I would pay to get the job to decide what books went on that table. He didn't understand why the idea was so thrilling to me-- I can't even explain why it would be awesome- I just think it would be.
This week the 3 I picked are:
The Traveler by John Twelve Hawks, Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi, and The Life of Elizabeth I by Alison Weir.
I've already started The Traveler but am struggling with it. There are three groups of people in the book, one of which is named "the Harlequins," and every time I see the word "Harlequin" I picture large cow spotted Great Danes. Not good. However, it was the cheapest of the three, so technically it was free so I am going to give it another 50 pages and then decide whether it is worth finishing. Plus, I'm excited to read the Alison Weir book- she wrote Eleanor of Aquitaine which is probably my favorite biography to date.
Other good news from today is that my sister and her family will probably move back west after Derek finishes Law School! We talked this morning and have decided that I should visit her in Omaha for Halloween-- I guess I'd better call and tell Jeff!
I finally got photoshop working this morning. After sitting on hold for 15 minutes. Awesome, especially because I am almost positive we are over our minutes for the month. Now that it is installed and registered, etc. it is about the most awesome toy I have and it will be a miracle if I manage to get anything packed this week before Jeff is back in town to take it to storage. Wish me luck!

Fantastic day at work—and for once, I mean it.

First of all- Lori, one of my best friends, had her baby last night!! I am so excited for her I can hardly stand it. Her and Tyson have been through all the fertility drama and were finally able to get her pregnant and now they have a healthy little boy! I know she is going to be an awesome mom and I love it when couples who have been wanting a baby so bad for so long finally have that dream come true because it reminds me that it really does happen. She has been a great support system to me as I have struggled the past couple of years and her advice means a lot because I know she knows exactly how I am feeling- even if it doesn't make sense. There are some parts of moving to Utah that I am not thrilled about but I am really excited to be moving there and not working all the time so that I will have a chance to visit friends—which means that I can go spend a couple days with her and little Gavin and I can't wait! It's funny how fast life just happens—we swam together in high school and if someone had told me that in 7 years this is where we'd be I would have laughed!

Anyway, work today was actually pretty good. This is the first official day that no customers got mad or complained to me about one thing or another. Usually I have at least 1 parent complain to me about how loud the music is, or how dark the store is, or that they can't find their size, or that because a shirt was placed on a shelf with sale items and even though it isn't marked sale and it is the only one like it on the shelf then surely it must be sale too, or that they can only take 5 items into the fitting rooms, or that the line is too long, or that I should let them return an item that has obviously been worn, doesn't have a tag, and doesn't have a receipt because they say so and the list goes on and on and on. BUT NOT TODAY!! We were actually pretty busy too but somehow the customers weren't mean today. 1 work day down, 5 more to go. AND I don't have to be back until Tuesday afternoon at 5. That almost counts as 3 days off. Jeff suggested that I go to Barnes and Noble on Monday—he must have been feeling daring because that is a dangerous situation—especially because I am out of new books to read.

Speaking of which: Pledged was better the first half than the second half. No, that isn't fair, it was better the first 3 quarters than the last quarter. It was very interesting and disturbing at the same time but I got bored with all the information regarding the different sororities on a national level.

 

Last Fertility Doctor Test!

My last test was this morning. It was a sonohysterogram. It's an ultrasound of the uterus after they fill the uterus up with water like a balloon. Weird. I got a little nervous when the doctor asked if I had taken an aspirin prior to the procedure and I hadn't, but luckily it didn't hurt and I didn't cramp too bad afterward. I've read and heard horror stories about all of these procedures but Dr. Zoneraich is amazing. Before each procedure they've had me read a paper explaining the procedure and the risks and then sign it. While reading what is about to happen I get nervous and then he starts the procedure and before I know it he is having me look at the screen and then it is over. Anyway, Dr. Zoneraich found a small something on the upper-bottom wall but it was only 3 mm x 2 mm. He didn't say what exactly it was but he did say he isn't going to worry about it because of the location and size it is not a big deal. I called Jeff on the way home from the appointment and he is getting really nervous that he is the reason I haven't gotten pregnant, not me. My guess is that it is a hormonal thing but we won't know until Monday, October 1^st at the consult with Dr. Z. So I am going to be in Arizona at least another 2 weeks. I haven't told Jeff that yet—he worked a graveyard shift last night and so hasn't slept much in the past 48 hours so I am going to wait until he gets some sleep before I tell him that I won't be coming to Utah for a couple more weeks.

After the doctor appointment my mom and I went to see the movie Stardust. It was actually better than I expected because I have heard mixed reviews about it. Although, I have to admit that any time I go to a movie with my mom it is funnier that first time, with her, than when I watch it later on by myself or with other people. I couldn't tell whether Stardust was supposed to be taken seriously or if it was a comedy in the way that Princess Bride is a comedy. Either way, I thought it was pretty amusing and couldn't tell what was going to happen from one moment to the next. The theatre didn't have very many people in it so a couple of times I was trying to suppress my laughter because mom and I were laughing beyond the usual giggle. The movie is based on the book Stardust by Neil Gaiman. I am going to see if Barnes and Noble has it tomorrow on my break.

I started the book Pledged: The Secret Life of Sororities by Alexandra Fuller. Gwen recommended it to me. A journalist found 4 girls in sororities to confide in her about their experiences in the Greek sorority system. I just started it last night so I am only about 20 pages into it but I like her writing style so far. The Greek system was never my thing—but I am curious about it.

The weekend

I dropped Jeff off at the airport a couple of hours ago. He flew in on Friday night and was able to stay until this afternoon. It was good to have him in our house again. I realized this weekend how much we balance each other out. I tend to stress out about the abstract big picture things, worrying about each individual decision and the effect it will or will not have on our life 10 years from now. Jeff, on the other hand, doesn't stress out about that. Eternally optimistic, he seems to have this deep sense that everything will work out for the best because it always has and always will. On the other hand, I don't stress out about moment to moment situations and/or catastrophes. For example, if I lock myself out of the house, or spill milk ALL OVER the kitchen, or burn toast, or ram my shoulder into the doorway, or stub my toe- it usually results in laughing at the situation. The opposite is true for Jeff; nothing can put him into a tail spin faster than misplaced keys, bad drivers, computers messing up, or getting locked out of the house. The result is that in almost every potentially frustrating situation, one of us is laughing and the other is swearing. Luckily, this weekend was free from any of that though. I spoke too soon. I was writing the entry at the same time Jeff got to Vegas. He had stopped to get gas and while cleaning out some trash from his car accidentally threw away his cell phone. He had to then explain to the non-English speaking lady behind the counter what happened so that she could open up the trash can for him to dig out his phone. After finally finding it he went and washed his hands "20 times" and then cleaned off his phone that had been "goobered" on. Needless to say, while he was telling me the story I was cracking up—enough that he finally started to laugh as well.

I was determined to take some pictures this weekend, but didn't. My camera keeps dying on me. After taking just a couple of pictures it starts threatening to shut down and the picture viewer on the back is TINY. But I think we have enough Thank You Network points built up that I can get a pretty good camera without having to spend real money on it.*

This morning I finished Don't Lets Go to the Dogs Tonight. I recommend it. She definitely had a different childhood than most people I know.

I started Blood Orange this afternoon. I am only about 50 pages into it but it is okay so far. I have a difficult time switching from a memoir to a novel and back again because memoirs "cut to the chase" (sorry, a cliché but I can't think of how else to describe what I mean). I get bored and distracted if an author spends a paragraph on the way the light filters through the trees and the way the air smells and the sounds, etc. before actually getting to the point of the story. If you have ever read or started to read, A Walk to Remember, by Nicholas Sparks, then you know what I mean. I become very impatient when an author throws a character in the story that is full of mystery or whatever and you just have to keep reading to figure out who they are and why they are there. So anyway, that's why I like memoirs because usually as a character enters a story a brief background is given as to who they are, why they are in the story, etc. Long story short: Blood Orange is probably better than I am giving it credit for; my brain just hasn't fully switched into novel mode yet.

*We are competitive with each other about silly things. For example, one week we were really late getting to church, and for once it was not my fault. Actually, since I have short hair it is rarely my fault anymore. Anyway, we got to church 20 minutes late which is really embarrassing because there are all these families sitting quietly with 7 kids all lined up in a row who managed to make it on-time and we have no excuse- it's just the 2 of us. So we sat next to who I soon learned was the Relief Society President's family. I realized how late it was when I looked up at the clock in the chapel and the hour hand was pointed to 10 and the minute hand was pointed to 12. (Our church starts at 9:40 am). So I leaned over and said something about that to Jeff. He retorted something along the lines of it only being 9:50 not 10. Something worthy of note is that Jeff's eyesight is almost as bad as mine and yet he refuses to wear any type of contacts or glasses. So very maturely I bet him $50 that it was 10 not 9:50. He agreed on the bet and so I leaned over and asked the teenage girl next to me what time it was. Understanding the seriousness of the situation, she stared at the clock for a few seconds and said that it was 10. So I won. A new pair of jeans and bragging rights securely in place- which really mean more than the pair of jeans I was able to buy without ever having to hear about it from him.** Besides the bet, "$5 if you name the movie this sappy chic song (unchained melody) is from," on the way to the airport this afternoon, which he correctly answered, "Ghost," our most recent bet was that he would lose 15 lbs by the time I move to Utah. If he loses 15 lbs he gets to buy a new pair of shoes and if he doesn't lose 15 lbs then I get a new camera. We prematurely agreed today that I can go ahead and order the camera. I am very excited.

**Jeff swears that he never comments about the amount of clothes I have so to be fair I am noting it here.

Wal-mart & Reading

Today was the most relaxing day off I think I have had in a long time. Minus the fiasco at Wal-mart trying to get my oil-changed. It's funny watching employees and management interact behind the counter now that I spend my day in a similar situation. The poor kid trying to figure out the scanner thing could not make it work so he had to enter in my information, over and over and over again. In the meantime, every person he asked for help was in the middle of doing something else and either unwilling or unable to assist him. Also, I noticed that for whatever reason every person who actually worked on the cars all decided to take their break at the exact same time—so cars were lining up but no one was working on an of them! What a mess. From a management stand-point that is a disaster waiting to happen. Especially when a mom with 4 ½ kids in tow comes walking up to retrieve her mini-van, fully expecting it to be ready, just to find out they haven't even started working on it. It is moments like that when all of her kids are demanding her attention and "wanting to look at the fish" or "wanting a different color m&m" or any of the other things I heard from them in the 3 minutes we shared the same space at the counter that I am able to take a deep breath and be thankful for not having children yet. (Then I let out that deep breath and go back to feeling sorry for myself about it). On that same thought, I was able to talk my mom into coming to visit me for a few days next week! She is going to be here for both of my doctor appointments and she used to be a nurse so she is wonderful and amazing and willing to sit through them with me. I tend to under-estimate how much I worry about things. For example, I wasn't really conscious about how much I was worrying about the appointments on Monday and Tuesday until I felt how relieved I was to know that I would have someone in the room with me. If that makes any sense. (Having mom with me instead of Jeff also drastically reduces the likelihood of Jeff injuring the doctor for causing me pain).

I'm reading the book, Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight by Alexandra Fuller. It's a memoir about a white girl who grew up in Africa. It's a pretty good read so far, I am about ¾ through it. She is able to recount tales from her childhood without apologizing for them which is pretty refreshing actually. It seems that any time a person writes about their experience in a place where race is the basis of a power struggle—one side is the victim/martyr and the other side is evil and horrible. In her novel, this isn't the case—I tend to not sympathize with their plight as whites in Rhodesia turned Zimbabwe but it isn't because she apologizes for their existence in that country even once. To be honest, I spend most of the time fighting the urge to get up and wash my hands because of the filthy conditions inherent on a ranch without running water in the middle of Africa. When the author describes riding on a horse all day in the heat or the slimy water at the bottom of a barrel I have to fight my gag reflex and read as fast as possible to get through those descriptions and into a safer paragraph about fire ants. I'll let you know if the last quarter is as good as the first three.