The book(s) "On becoming Baby Wise 1 & 2" were recommended to me by a couple of people. So I read them.
At first, the first book seemed pretty "logical." Some of the advice/methods seemed a little harsh to me-- you aren't supposed to rock your baby to sleep if you are home. Ever. It talks a lot about feeding and a method they call PDF- parent-directed feeding. But this isn't based on a clock, and it isn't based on the baby crying either. . . so that left me thinking-- how in the world is the parent supposed to know when to feed their baby if not based on the baby's signals and not based on how long it's been since the baby last ate?? I'm already nervous as hell about taking care of a little baby, I am not going to even pretend to know when I should feed the baby without paying attention to her signals and/or the clock.
Obviously, I'm not a mom yet, but some of the information/ideas was useful. For example, the book suggested multiple times that every time you feed the baby, you feed he/she until they are full and you do what you can to keep them awake while eating until they are full-- so that they don't fall into a pattern of needing to eat to fall asleep and/or wake up sooner than necessary to eat again because they are just snacking. So that was good to think about it. So the first book was a little extreme for me, but I wasn't having a huge negative reaction to it.
Then I read book two. It is supposed to be for toddlers 5 to 15 months old. Pretty much it allows very little room for kids to be kids. Okay, actually, it leaves no room for kids to be kids. As I was reading it, I kept thinking that it stipulated parenting actions and reactions completely opposite to how my mom raised me. And I am pretty cool and turned out sane enough to function in the world. And her way seems like a lot more fun too. According to the book, kids should never be allowed to touch their food plate with their hands, blow bubbles in their milk, or any other such "nonsense" during meal time. And they should never be allowed to use their hands to eat anything other than specified "finger foods." This does not mesh well with a family whose baby albums are filled with pictures of bowls being worn as hats with mac & cheese as the accessory. Also, if they do touch their food when they aren't supposed too, and you tell them not too, the second time they touch their food you are supposed to remove them from the high chair and put them in their crib. Sorry, but at this point, I am not going to turn the slats of my child's crib into jail bars. (although, I am open to the idea that I may become more than ready to turn whatever I can into a jail cell if my toddler is out of control at some point).
A couple of tips that were good: it said to avoid getting in a power struggle with your toddler. I think the way it phrased it was "discipline graciously," such that you allow your child to back down gracefully. Also, it suggested not letting your child play with things at your house such as the TV remote because then when they go to someone else's house and are all of a sudden being told not play with the TV remote it just confuses them. This reminded me of the puppy training books that I've read that said never to give your dog human things to play with and chew if you don't want them to chew all of them. For example, you aren't supposed to let them play with an old shoe because when they have a chance they will chew on a new shoe, not knowing the difference between and old shoe and a new shoe. Makes sense. But again, easier said than done with a toddler.
All I know is that I am very grateful that my mom is coming to stay with us for the first month after the baby is born so that she can help me figure out what the crap I am doing. And I've decided I am not going to read any more books on baby-raising at this point. My mom raised us "real good" and my sister's kids are some of the most well-adjusted and hilarious kids I have ever met in my entire life so I'll just be calling them instead. And in the meantime I'll just be praying not to screw my kid(s) up too much.
11 years ago
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6 comments:
Cute Backdrop!!
When I worked at the shelter and had to take some parenting classes, I learned one thing that turned out to be very useful: when you want toddlers to do something, turn it into a choice where you get what you want either way. Instead of saying "do you want to sit at the table and eat?", to which they might yell "no!" and turn it into a huge battle, try something like "do you want to sit on your knees or bottom?" Several times I've used this--the kid gets to make a decision, but you're getting what you want, since sitting at the table is no longer an option, just HOW they do it. Very helpful technique (though of course sometimes the kid figures out what you're doing).
There is definitely not ONE book out there that fits all. Every child is different, and different techniques work on different children. Tom's sister and her husband swear by the burrito technique for wrapping up a newborn. We tried it with Riley-she SCREAMED at 12 hours old. Loosened the blanket, happy as can be. Brady, loved to be wrapped liked that, and is still a snuggler. Ry, not so much. It is all about trial and error.
I've found that both BW and BWII are lacking in the area of understanding normal infant and toddler development. There are better books out there. . . even though these are popular.
Kris, we tried Babywise and failed miserably. I couldn't let Livi "cry it out" - it just didn't work for us. And sometimes letting her nurse just enough to fall asleep was the only thing that worked (until we realized she needed absolute silence and a black-out shade!) I don't think there's anything wrong with that and you just need to do what feels right to you. I'll be honest. For some people (like my sisters Dori and Helen) the first little bit is no problem. For me it was Hell. I felt like a failure because I was trying so hard to follow the "book" and nothing was working (I'm talking about learning their eat, wake, sleep cycle). But my best advice would be to know how often she needs to be fed (I think it's every 2-3 hours at first) and then go by that clock. Use a watch with a timer so that you can tell when was the last time she had a real feeding, and then if she's crying and it's only been 1 hour, you'll know it's probably not because she's hungry. Also, try not to get her into the snacking mode. I guess I got so exhausted that I wasn't paying attention to how often I was feeding her, and she ended up eating quick "snacks" every hour or so. Bad idea for both of you - she doesn't get the nutrition she needs and you don't ever get a break! Don't put pressure on yourself to have her on any kind of schedule until you feel like you've really mastered nursing. Once you feel like you've got it down pretty good (you think she's latching on and is getting a full belly everytime) then you can start gauging the time between feedings. At first you'll probably be doing little follow-up feedings if she starts fussing soon after she eats, but just be sure it's not from a gas bubble before you offer more. Once you learn what it feels like to "empty your breast" you won't have a question whether she's still hungry or not. Hope this isn't too much information, but I guess it's still a little fresh on my mind, and I wish someone would have told me all of this before I dove in and tried to figure it all out myself, all while I was exhausted and trying to recover from labor. Every baby is different, so definitely use your instincts and your mom's help. I agree w/Gwen on the toddler choices too - that's what we're doing with Livi and it works GREAT!
PS - sorry about the novel. ;) I should probably just call, for heaven's sake!
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