False Alarm.

This week has been stressful. It feels like Monday was a month ago, not 2 days ago.

It all started out normal, I took Elea to her 6 month Doc appt. She has gotten back up to the 50th percentile for height and 45th percentile for weight (up from 25% since we started her on formula). Her head circumference is getting bigger on the percentile scale every time, last time it was 70th and this time it was in the 80th percentile. Big heads run in the family, what can I say.

Then the doctor starts telling me how because her face is narrow and the bridge of her nose is flat and wide it gives her the appearance of having crossed eyes. In my head I'm thinking, yes, I know, we've covered this. . . Then he does the light test and the reflection is on the pupil in both eyes. So she really doesn't have crossed eyes, it just looks like she does sometimes. It's called pseudo_____________ (whatever the medical term for crossed eyes is). But she's adorable so who cares.

Anyway, so that was great and then the doctor does the hip check thing. And he says he feels a "clunk." Not a click, a clunk. Then he says that he has to go check with the head doc in the practice to find out if they can do the ultrasound in Cedar or not. He thinks she has congenital hip dysplasia. So then he comes back and says that they can do the ultrasound in the hospital in town, and not to worry too much, yada yada. He also gave us a referral to an orthopedic surgeon. Then Elea gets her immunizations and handles them like a champ, I am very glad though that this is the last round of shots for awhile. On the way home I called Jeff and he instantly got really stressed out. So then I get home and call my mom and ask her what she knows about it. She says that she doesn't think it's a big deal, and looks it up online.

Congenital hip dysplasia/dislocation is when the baby's hip socket in utero is pushed out of joint and the head of the femur bone never gets back into place once the baby is born. So it's fixed by a brace, and if that doesn't work, then they put the baby under anesthesia and ram it back into place (delicately, I'm sure) and if that doesn't work then they have to do surgery. Then my mom starts describing the brace and it's a shoulder to toe contraption that has to fit just right or it can be ineffective or problematic. Fantastic. If the problem isn't corrected the child limps and/or walks like a duck the rest of their lives.

We went down to St. George to pick up Jeff's computer and met his parents for dinner. His dad has a way of just saying over and over whatever Jeff needs to hear. This time it was, "Everything is going to be okay. Everything is going to be fine. She is healthy. Be thankful she is as healthy as she is." (and repeat). When we got home later that night Jeff and Jace gave Elea a blessing.

Then Tuesday I took her to the hospital to get the ultrasound. 2 1/2 hours, 1 bottle and 1 poopie diaper later, they finally called us back to get the ultrasound. Supposedly there is only 1 radiologist in the whole hospital that can oversee that kind of ultrasound and he doesn't do appts until 2 hours after they scheduled my appt. Anyway, he was a nice guy and him and the ultrasound tech were good with elea. He looked and looked and moved her leg all around and pushed on it and tugged on it and didn't see or feel a thing. So then I asked if it was worth seeing the orthopedic surgeon and he said that it never hurts to get a second opinion. And he also ordered an x-ray just to be thorough.

So I left the hospital feeling a little better about things.

Then today Jeff and I drove down to the orthopedic guy in St. George (we weren't huge fans of trusting one in Cedar). His dad was able to get us an appt. w/the surgeon who did his knee replacement. He checked her legs and looked at her x-ray and didn't see or feel anything either. She's totally fine. If she walks like a duck or with a limp it will be because she has her mother's coordination, not because of congenital hip dysplasia that was left untreated. The orthopedic guy seemed almost apologetic that he didn't find anything wrong. . . which was weird because it was the best news we could have heard, obviously.

So yay for it being a false alarm. Not cool that there was an alarm in the first place because between that and her trip to the ER for her RSV a couple weeks ago I think we're going to be meeting the health insurance $1000 deductible for the year 2 weeks into 2009. Fabulous.

I'm just grateful we were able to get it checked out so quick. And maybe next time I'm gonna try and see the specialist before the tests are done. Because honestly, I think that he wouldn't have even bothered with the ultrasound or x ray to begin with. So who knows if there was a clunk on Monday and the blessing healed it. Or if there wasn't anything to begin with. I'm very grateful that giving her a blessing was an option and that it's all good now.

And sorry Derek, you don't get to call her Elea Gump anymore.

Not good. Not good at all.

I finally got around to calling a real estate agent on Tuesday (thanks Maddie!) and found out some bad news. I wasn't expecting good news- but it was worse than I thought. Houses in our neighborhood in AZ are selling for between $139,000- and $170,000. No, wait, I phrased that wrong, they are listing for that much and selling for even less.

So considering that we still owe a whopping $240,000 it's not looking so hot for us. Not at all. My first reaction was to think that we should just hang on to it until the market improves. But that could be YEARS and even with renters in it we are still paying out $900+ a month. So my second reaction was to just not think about it at all (which is kind of what I've been doing for the past few months). Jeff, on the other hand, called his dad for advice. He said that we should just let it go into foreclosure since the loan is only in my name (thank goodness!). His words were "quit feeding a dead horse." Initially I was really against the idea- I'm not a big fan of trashing my credit score. But being able to save that money every month would be fabulous and maybe it'll keep me and jeff from making some crazy quick decision to buy a house in the next little while because heaven knows we aren't great at holding off on things once we get the idea in our heads.

So who knows. Dumb house. BUT silver lining or whatever is that if we hadn't moved there we wouldn't have gone to the fertility doc and so we wouldn't have elea right now-- and she is definitely 100% no questions asked worth it.

playing catch up

Okay so here is a quick over-view of our few days in AZ.

Jeff was able to turn in applications at 6 of the 7 school districts that are within a reasonable distance and he met with some of their human resource people. He met with a principal in the Apache Junction school district. She was really cool and nice and the school in relatively new-- but they are the lowest paying district in the area so we'll see. At this point none of the school districts are able to offer positions because the existing teachers have until mid-April or so to turn in contracts for next year, etc. So they told him to be expecting calls in the next few weeks. But he feels pretty good about it in general and I am just really relieved to have his applications turned in and his fingerprints done down there. Also, AZ is stuck up and won't accept any other licensure tests. They will do a 1 year reciprocal license if you have a license in another state, but you still have to take their own special tests. This was good for Jeff to hear directly from the lady at the Arizona Dept. of Education because I told him that's what I thought but all the education people at SUU told him differently. So now he gets to take the Arizona tests on top of the Utah tests. Needless to say, he isn't thrilled.

But the good news about that is now we don't have to wait for Utah to get him his license before applying for an Arizona license-- he'll just apply for both at the same time. Sweet.

We ate at our favorite restaurant in Mesa- Uno's. The waitress we kind of got to know before we moved was our server when we went and she seemed kind of different. I couldn't tell what was wrong until after we were done eating she was standing there talking to us and we were explaining about our planned move back, etc. And then she said, "So... is anything else new?" And then I told her I was pregnant. She looked all relieved and said that she thought that maybe I was because I had only gained weight in my stomach but she was afraid to ask. So then she wasn't awkward anymore. I guess I am still in that no-man's land between full-on-pregnant-mama-comin-through and that-girl-looks-like-she-just-ate-too-much.

On Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday night we went over to Kade & Maddie's house and played Canasta. Maddie and I managed to kick the boy's butts 2 out of the 3 nights. Thank goodness too because Jeff has killed me every time we've played a two player game. Their baby is due in a month so it was fun to hang out and talk about all the random things that no one tells you about before you get pregnant. Today Jeff said that we will only be able to afford 2 kids. I told him I agree because I don't know that my body will be able to afford any more than that either.

Yes. I am vain. I admit it.

We went to a Spring Training game on Tuesday. I was an idiot and didn't bother to put on any sunscreen. And I forgot that I was in Arizona so I wore a dark colored shirt thinking I would need all the help I could get not to get cold. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I was literally baking the entire 3 hours. I'm surprised I don't have 3rd degree burns from the metal buttons on my shorts. But it was nice to be outside in the warm weather. And I think it was only a sweltering 77 degrees but I still managed to burn my knees to a nice shade of purple and my nose is going to be red and peeling until the 4th of July. Oh, Jeff was an idiot and didn't wear any sunscreen either. The only difference is he just got more tan.

Our trip also included a stop at Ikea, Babys'r'us, (we managed not to spend a cent in either place) the biggest Super Target I have ever been in, and about 10 shakes &/or bowls of ice cream. I am sort of really incredibly terribly scared to hop on the scale tomorrow at the Doctor's office. Wish me luck but don't expect me to put my weight in print. I think at this point an official gag order is now in place.

Oh, one last thing, Jeff about lost his mind on the drive home yesterday. 4 hours into the 8 hour trip he was asking if we were almost there yet. If we ever have to make that trip from AZ to UT again, I am going to drug him and just plan on driving the entire time. More than once I had to seriously weigh which would be worse-- wetting my pants or hearing him cry out in sheer desperation as the car rolled to a stop in yet one more gas station.

i concede

I guess the only thing more boring than cleaning out your closet is reading about someone else cleaning out their closet. So I apologize.

Yesterday I spent all morning making lists of the school districts in Arizona that have schools within a reasonable commute time from our house and their application requirements, etc. Jeff and I are heading down to AZ for part of his spring break to get his applications submitted and jump through as many of the requisite hoops as possible. I think the most frustrating thing about the applications is the employment history. I totally understand them wanting to have a good idea about the teacher's they are potentially hiring-- but it's a pain in my butt to find the information about jobs Jeff had 5 or 6 years ago. (Luckily for me, he got away with not working at all until after his mission- so I am off the hook for his high school years!) Anyway, I didn't mean to turn this into a complaint about the applications, I actually in some sick way like doing it because if nothing else it makes me feel like there is progress being made.

Now about the cleaning out of the closet. When we moved my clothes here it was done late the night before the morning we drove to Utah. And I can't believe I was even conscious because the clothes I brought and the clothes I really needed ended up being two different things. For example, even though it was Oct. 1st, I managed to leave every jacket/coat I own in AZ. Smart. I also made sure to bring all my workout clothes because surely with all the free time I would have on my hands I would make it to the gym often. Or not. But I can't take too much blame about all the other clothes because I had no way of knowing that I a) would get pregnant 3 weeks later and b) I wouldn't get an office job and need all the business clothes I own.

Jeff is in love with Footlocker's 4 or 5 t-shirts for 20 bucks deals. He loves them. What does that have to do with cleaning out the closet? Well, every time he walks into that store he leaves with 4 or 5 more t-shirts. I like it okay too because then I have an excuse to either steal a couple more of his old softball tournament t-shirts from 5 years ago to wear around the house, or pack away a couple of his old baseball tees. But when he came home with 4 more on Thursday and I still hadn't managed to find a place for the clean clothes from the dryer (yes, I really did do laundry), I knew something had to be done.

So after I couldn't stand to think about teaching applications another second, and I'd had 48 hours to get motivated, I headed upstairs and started to pull every piece of clothing out of the closet. I then proceeded to try on every pair of pants I own, just to see if I could still pull off the elastic through the button hole trick. No go. At 21 weeks I am officially out of normal people clothes and into the world of elastic waist bands and pants without zippers. So in an act of good faith, I packed all my pants, skirts, and shirts that aren't in the realm of possibility now and will move them back to Arizona, hoping and praying I will be able to wear them again by this time next year.

took the toot right out of my horn.

So this afternoon I went swimming. I was pretty proud of myself for making the 3 minute drive to the pool. Especially since I didn't have my car until after 2 pm and usually if I haven't done something by then, it just ain't happenin' that day. So I get in and start swimming the workout that the Master's team had posted for the day, just to see if I could pull the yardage off (obviously paying no attention to the set times). That's a whole different story, anyway, so I am using the kickboard, I don't have my glasses on, I've just turned around the far end of the pool and I see a guy on crutches walking toward the lane next to mine. As I get closer, I quickly realize that one of his legs is amputated about 3/4 of the way down his thigh. So I start feeling really awkward, not wanting to stare, but not really having a whole lot of other places to look since I was using the kickboard and my neck is tight when I turn it to the left so I can't even lay my head down that way. As I continue swimming I see him put one fin on, use a buoy between his legs, and then he swam, a lot, pretty fast too.

Long story short:

Today I felt very proud of my lazy butt self for actually making it out of the house and to the pool. Then when I made the decision to swim a whole mile I felt like I was the pregnant champ of the world. Then a guy with only one leg not only made it to the pool but he proceeded to swim circles around me. Then I eventually got out of the pool, my two legs slightly wobbly, feeling a lot less proud than when I got there.

blessing or curse?

Yesterday was the Super Bowl. I don't know what number, something with the roman-numeral L in it. Yesterday was also the only day this winter that it has snowed in St. George and been below freezing. Therefore, yesterday was the day that all of the men in this house became very agitated and stayed agitated when the satellite dish went out during the middle of the first quarter of the Super Bowl and stayed out the rest of the night.

At first, this was very amusing. But I don't know if it is worse to have to sit through the super bowl or sit through grown men crying out in frustration throughout the duration of what would have been the culmination of the year's pro football tv-watching.

Lettuce or Cabbage?

This morning at 7:25 I got a text message from Jeff:

Thanks for not putting cabbage on my sandwich.

Let me explain:
Jeff leaves from school sometime between 6:30 and 7:30 every morning. Honestly, I am not sure what time he leaves because I am usually falling into my best sleepy time before he even kisses me on the forehead to say bye in the morning. On his work days he goes straight from school to work around 2 or 3 and on his non-work days he gets home about that same time. In an effort to save money and help him lose weight like he wants to, I started packing him a lunch every night so that he doesn't a) starve to death and get ornery and b) doesn't spend money on food every day. Last week, when I was making his lunch I saw two heads of lettuce in the refrigerator and one had been opened so I that is what I used on his sandwich. When I was ripping it to fit on the bread I noticed that it was a little thicker than usual, but didn't think about it too much. To be honest I was proud of myself for slapping more than just turkey and cheese on the bread before calling it good. The next night at dinner my mother in law had made minestrone soup. As I ate it, I noticed that the cabbage in the soup looked a lot like the lettuce I put on Jeff's sandwich the night before (that he ate for lunch that day). Because I have no pride and/or shame I told my mother in law the mistake I was pretty sure I had made with his sandwich and she got a good laugh out of it with me. Jeff's Grandma was at the table and heard and all I got from her was a disappointed shaking of the head and a chuckle. He hadn't said anything about it when we talked on the phone that day so I was hoping that I gotten away with it. But, unfortunately, his mom raised him to be a lot more picky and attentive to food than I'll ever be and after a hug hello his first question for me was:

Did you put cabbage on my sandwich today?

After his text this morning I realized two things. One was that this was the first time I had made a meat sandwich since the cabbage incident. And two, he hadn't seemed all that heartbroken earlier this week when I forgot to make his lunch. He probably felt a lot safer knowing his mom would pick up the ball I dropped and make it for him before he left for school that day!

things I've learned

I can't wait to have a kid just so I have an excuse to watch little einsteins with them.

it's funny how life happens

I am visiting friends from college this week and it has been a lot of fun so far. Today, Lori, Heather, and I went to lunch and spent about 15 minutes eating and the next 3 hours just talking.

I have a goal not to spend a lot of time focusing on all of my regrets. Heaven knows I have about a billion. I meant it when I said that my goal was not to spend a lot of time focusing on my regrets, but to not have any regrets at all is beyond the scope of my OCD so here goes: One of the biggest regrets I have in my life is not staying in touch with my friends better. I have moved so many times and then when I got married I feel like I dropped off of the face of the planet and just as I started to make good friends, we moved. And then we moved again. I have a tendency to just "disappear." I think that I have gotten a lot better at this such that I don't think I have done it lately. At least not on purpose. Not changing my phone number in almost 3 years is a good start I would say.

When my Grandma passed away, I learned a lot from going to her viewing/funeral. There were so many people at both-- I didn't realize Duchesne County even had that many people in it! It was awesome to see how many people she had touched, served, or maybe just knew enough that they came to pay their respects. It was a big slap in the face to me because I realized that if I continued the relationships in my life the way I had thus far, my funeral would be a lonely place. I know, it's kind of morbid to live your life so that you have a good turn out at your funeral- but if it works, it works.

Long story short, I'm determined to take advantage of this break from working to visit and reconnect with friends again.
So far so good.

Back to lunch today: I will say that sitting around the table, I would never have guessed 6 years ago when we started college that we'd be where we are. If that makes sense. In the same moment, I can't imagine my life any different. I married the man I knew I wanted to be with since I was 16-- even if it took us both a few years to come around to it. AND, I have an awesome relationship with my parents. On this day 7, 6,5, or even 4 years ago, if someone had told me that I would have both of those things- I would not have believed them. At all. I would have crossed-my-fingers-hoped-to-die that it was true, but still not believed it.

So yes, I have my regrets, but right now, I am grateful for all of the decisions that I regret because if hadn't made them, I may not be where I am, and I kinda like it here.

and the domesticity continues

I finished my first quilt top yesterday. I started a quilt last year but didn't manage to even get all the strips sewn together- so Gwen saved the day and finished the practically the entire thing for me. So, I am considering this my very first quilt top. It's just a little one- crib size. I will take a picture of it with my new camera (which is amazing by the way) and post it later. I am going to take a class at the quilt shop in November to learn how to machine quilt the top, batting, and bottom together. The lady teaching it has some quilts on display at the shop and they are fantastic. So that is my reason for not finishing the entire thing right now. For the record, I did already buy the batting, backing, and material for the binding-- which is definitely farther than I got last time with the other quilt!

I love not having a job. It's awesome. I realized last night that I have only been "not working" for 10 days and it sort of feels like 10 weeks so I'm crossing my fingers that I can still love not working until January. In the meantime, I am learning how to actually be helpful in Jeff's parent's kitchen. Normally, I feel like I am just getting in the way, which I'll admit comes in handy after big Sunday dinners so that I have an excuse to sneak off and take a nap, but I am slowly learning how his mom works in the kitchen. I learned how to de-seed a watermelon the other day. My family just always ate the seeds- Jeff's family will spend 3 minutes digging one seed out of the bowl if there is a possibility it snuck in.

I wish that I would have spent more time at his parent's house before we got married. Or at least I wished I would have paid more attention to some things while I was at his parents house before we got married. For example, when Jeff and I were first married I worked really hard to keep the house clean. Growing up, we were never supposed to leave a dirty dish in the sink. If the dishwasher was clean, we were supposed to empty it, and then put our dirty dish in the dishwasher. If the dishes in the dishwasher were dirty, then obviously, one should add his or her dirty dish and start it if it was full-- but only if it was completely full. So I naively went into our marriage thinking that was normal and therefore right. Hence, I spent the first 6 months getting frustrated because I was constantly loading and unloading the dishwasher. I would come home to one dirty butter knife smeared with peanut butter in an otherwise empty and clean sink about every other day. That dirty butter knife in the sink was enough to make me want to scream and throw things and then cry because I was sure it meant that Jeff didn't love me because if he did he wouldn't just leave it in the sink, he would take two seconds to put it in the dishwasher. Finally, we talked, about 5 times, and Jeff started putting his dishes in the sink more often and I didn't take it as a personal affront when he didn't.
Two and a half years later- we live with his parents and I've finally learned that they deal with dirty dishes in a different way than my family. His family doesn't stress out about dirty dishes in the sink, when the sink gets relatively full, one of them (usually his mom) will empty the dishwasher, put the sink full of dirty dishes in the dishwasher, and then start it, even if it only half full. It all makes sense now. He probably thought I was the biggest spaz on the planet every time I freaked out about his dish in the sink. Now if I could just get over my neurosis I won't be spending an hour of everyday loading and unloading their dishwasher.

**As I was typing this post I watched Jeff's younger brother, Jace, and the girl he is dating clean up the kitchen after making breakfast. (She loaded the dishwasher). After they were done, Jace filled the sink with soapy water, and started to wipe off the kitchen table. She asked him why he was filling the sink up with soapy water. He couldn't answer her question-he sort of muttered something about it being there so that when someone later has a dirty dish they can rinse it in the soapy water. So of course I piped in and explained to her that it is just what their family does- They fill the sink up with soapy water and wipe down every surface in the kitchen that may or may not have had food, or a dish holding food, on it. When my mother-in-law came in the kitchen Jace asked why they fill the sink up with soapy water and she gave him the same answer I had- it was to wipe down the counters. It's funny that we're raised and pick up certain habits and ways of doing things and to each of us our particular way is just the way it's done- even if we don't know why we do it that way.