change.

I've always thought that I adapt to change fairly well. I think that maybe I am not as good as I thought- I just have never given myself to actually think about the changes as they were occurring-- I just dealt with the aftershock. Sometimes with medication.

My parents moving to Kentucky just hit me tonight. My mom probably thinks that I am a callous wench because she has been emotional off and on since I got here on Monday night. I have been pretty stoic and level-headed about the whole thing. Until of course I was talking to Jeff on the phone tonight about spending conference weekend here (at my parents) instead of at his parent's because some friends were coming to his parent's for part of the weekend. I need to learn to just tell him how I feel about something rather than try to convince him why he should change his (our) plans. I should have learned by now that we are both equally stubborn but that he has such a kind heart that if he knows that I am hurting or sad he will do whatever he is capable of to eradicate my sadness. Or at least whatever it takes to stop the tears.

It has just hit me that I won't be able to just "go home" for the weekend anymore. Really, my home is wherever Jeff is, but I don't know if I will ever grow up from knowing that if I am sick of taking care of myself and want to be somewhere that I can hibernate or whatever- I can just go to my parents house.

My dad told me that I am bossy. He's probably right. But there is part of me that would love to just be somewhere for a little while where somebody else was making the decisions and worrying about things and I could be the one to be 'bossed' for once. Although who am I kidding- that would last for about 15 seconds and I would be outta there.

Maybe it's a good thing that I haven't gotten pregnant yet- cause here I am whining about having to take care of myself, let alone a baby.

I don't know- I'm tired. And I miss Jeff. But I am trying to somehow balance spending time with my parents and seeing him. I like to be the one who is leaving/moving. I don't like to be the one who is getting left. Living in AZ this whole thing wasn't as harsh because I wasn't able to be around much anyway. But now, knowing that my parents would have been a quick car ride away such that I could have driven down and back while Jeff was in school to go to a movie with my mom if I felt like it, but in less than 2 weeks it will be a long flight to see them, after making that drive. The timing just sucks.

I think I am going to go to bed, read a book, and feel sorry for myself. Speaking of which, my mom gave me a pair of ear plugs to try out- so that I don't end up on the couch every night before I get used to Jeff's snoring again.